I'm going to LIVE (provided I don't get broadsided by a bus in the next few days)! I am not terminally ILL! There were no CYSTS! Now, on to the "other stuff."
The symptoms I described (overwhelmed, anxious, angry, moody, lack of sleep, lack of focus, bad memory...I could go on but dear God, I sound pitiful enough) can be categorized in a few different areas. Perimenopause, thyroid problems, and depression have many of the same symptoms. They took about a gallon of blood and will be testing my hormones, thyroids and a plethora of other medical related things. I lost track when she got to six. I should have the results by next week.
I'm not holding my breath, but I hope that these tests can shed some light on what is going on with me. A large part of me hopes that it's not depression, on it's own. If it comes down to that, I know we'll deal with it, but it's a road I would rather leave untraveled. I'm not wishing to be sick, by any way, shape or form. I would be ecstatic if I woke up tomorrow morning and suddenly, I was back to normal, whatever normal really means.
Up until recently, I haven't talked much about this. If I were completely honest, I've probably been having these problems for a while now. I just seems that the last six month or so have seen me in a downward spiral. I'm nothing if not stubborn, and truth be told, something had to give. I think it helped me realize that I wasn't imagining things when my husband mentioned to me that I wasn't acting like the wife he knew, and loved, and still does. When he said that, I think it helped me break down the barriers that I had built up and go seek help.
What's next? I don't know. I don't expect an automatic cure. I know some of it will have to be adjustments, purely on my part. I know that everyone experiences ups and downs, but this time, I've been left out of the pack. It's not just a "down time" I'm going though. I'm not going to "just get over it already." In other words, it's not just a little blip in the radar, or a seriously bad wave I'm riding that will subside when I land on the beach.
If only it was.
Comments
You said it's perimenopausal... so I wanted to share some info. I can't vouch for it, but I ran across it this week coincidentally as I was researching her skin care/sunscreen line, and noted it. It may not be the info you're looking for, or it might lead you someplace. Happy to share. The woman seems full of info, so I hope it's something you can use.
http://www.lanisimpson.com/events/overview
Michele sent me this time,
~S
Posted by: Shephard at June 22, 2007 5:51 PM
Moogie! You make depression sound like it's leprosy! It's really no big deal and so totally treatable -- especially when it's mild like what you may have! I have been treated for depression for the past 8 years! All of my sisters are treated and 3 of my kids are treated... it runs HEAVILY in my family! It's really no biggie.... trust me. MUCH easier to treat than menopause! (but also very likely during menopause...) Believe me... your doctor is going to have you feeling MUCH better verrrrrrrrrrrry soon regardless of what it is!
Posted by: Melli at June 22, 2007 6:48 PM
I hope that you feel better soon. I am see a psycologist for pain management. You see, after spinal surgery 2 years ago, I have been suffering chronic pain, and as a result, (or so he tells me) I am also suffering depression and have anger issues (how the hell would he know??!! lol )
I have recently had my medications changed, and have a better outlook on life, so if you do go on medication for depression, stick with it and tell them of ANY changes in how you feel, cuase they can change the meds and you will feel better...
What ever happens, CHIN UP!
Posted by: Bernie at June 22, 2007 7:47 PM
I've felt much the way you describe many times throughout my life. You are doing the right thing by talking about it and seeing your doctor. You really are.
Baby steps, Moogs.
Posted by: Heather at June 22, 2007 11:04 PM
Sweetie pie, you know you rock for this - for asking for help, and for talking about it. I adore you for both. You deserve to get back to yourself. I hope you get an accurate diagnosis soon so you can get on with whatever treatment is necessary. You're a real sparkler.
Posted by: Jay at June 23, 2007 12:36 AM
hope the blood work will shed some light on the problem. Thanks for stopping by my page. michele sent me
Posted by: Tiffany at June 23, 2007 11:33 AM
hope the blood work will shed some light on the problem. Thanks for stopping by my page. michele sent me
Posted by: Tiffany at June 23, 2007 11:33 AM
Maybe you're just missing some obscure "B"-complex vitamin... or you just need "a little break"... or you "just need to get out and get more exercise."
I heard it all. There's nothing wrong with getting help. I used to think asking for help was a sign of weakness - that by admitting that I didn't have the solution I had somehow failed myself AND my gender. Hopefully you will get to the bottom of what ails you and then you can take whatever steps necessary to remedy it.
Michele sent me,
Mike
Posted by: Mr. Althouse at June 23, 2007 1:31 PM
Hey Moogs - you're not sounding too bad at the moment.....
I've had depression for 10yrs since I had my surgery for fibroids and found I couldn'r have children....and now I'm waiting for menopuse (something to look forward too [wrinkles nose]).......
Try lots of fruit and vegetables, fresh air, exercise.....it all helps....if a little boring.......
I feel better when I'm re-enacting - sitting outside, fresh air, fresh cooked food, drop of drink, good friends.
Michele sent me to see you tonight, honey:-)
cq
Posted by: craziequeen at June 23, 2007 4:26 PM
Hello, Michele sent me!
Hopefully the blood tests will shed some light on what you are going through. I've been traveling the same road - and for me it was a combination of thyroid problems and depression together. But, it is getting way better!!!
Posted by: Sara at June 23, 2007 5:11 PM
Even if it is clinical depression, the wave does land on the beach eventually, with the appropriate help. I hope your tests reveal what's wrong, and you find good treatment. Michele sent me to say hi.
Posted by: Catherine at June 23, 2007 5:46 PM
Hey Moogie,
YOU stubborn never, I don't know where you'd get that from :D
Yeah a ton of blood for a ton of blood work eh. Heck they'll have it figured out, mind you in saying that it took the family doc 3 attempts to figure out what the heck was up with my dear mother, 3 set of blood tests, "wasn't happy" with the first 2 as mother put it..
Chin up, it could be worse you could be ME!
Posted by: Gopher at June 25, 2007 5:07 PM
