When I was growing up, swearing was not an option (we couldn't even take the Lord's name in vain). It was not only not and option, it was punishable by soap. As in the washing your mouth out variety. Nasty stuff.
I don't remember my mother using any particular brand on us, it was most likely whatever was on sale I would imagine. There were certain brands that were worse, to be sure, but let's face it. When you have a bar of soap in your mouth, it doesn't much matter if it's Irish Spring or Dove.
In my early teens I could be somewhat cocky. I'm not even sure what word(s) I used. I only knew that I was stupid enough to use them within my mother's super hero hearing distance. Bad move.
Well, at this point, because I was a teen, AND cocky, and of course my parents knew absolutely NOTHING, I made a very bad error in judgment. I didn't open my mouth.
Not one to be undone by the stubborn actions of a recalcitrant daughter, she went under the kitchen sink and brought out the liquid dish soap.
I held my lips and teeth firmly together, but I was no match for the little cap that could slither its way through the lips. And she squeezed. And squeezed. AND.SQUEEZED. The amount of squeezing that went on has grown over the years (when I tell the story), much like that fish that got away.
It really doesn't matter how much of that vile, sudsy liquid made it's way past my lips and into my mouth.
Let me give you some advice. When faced with a bar of soap, or liquid soap, choose the bar. Because when you have liquid soap in your mouth, and you try to rinse, the bubbles keep growing, and growing, and growing.
I don't swear much these days, and every time I do, I look around to see if my mother is anywhere near.
It's not all that hard to figure out why.
Comments
Fuck all that! Just Damn!
Posted by: Dax Montana at April 27, 2005 08:12 PM
Please excuse me while I laugh my butt off.........with seven kids, and me being the oldest, mercifully my mom was too busy to listen to anything I said. Thank goodness
Posted by: Zoots Mom at April 27, 2005 08:13 PM
My mom made me eat soap once....and I will never let her live down. It was a somewhat unjust punishment because I didn't know what I had said was so vial*, I'd just picked it up from the neighbor. Of course knowing me you know that whole "eat soap" thing didn't work.
BTW - my kids don't swear, and rarely take the lords name in vain, possibly it skips a generation.
*I told everyone my sister "sucks" I just didn't know what it was she was "sucking".
Posted by: CursingMama at April 28, 2005 02:06 PM
Hmm thankfully mom skipped the washing mouth out with soap bit... mind you my rear end hurt a few times...
Posted by: Gopher at April 28, 2005 05:58 PM
eeewwww, that had to be nasty. I've just gotton a little taste of it when I accidentially didn't wash it off good enough on my hands....then went to eat something! Oh my....it's sooo bitter!!!
Posted by: Suzanne at April 28, 2005 07:12 PM
Haha, did you ever see the pictues of my friend blowing bubbles with dishwashing liquid? He learned that trick after many mouth washes, lol
Posted by: Lindsay K. at April 30, 2005 11:36 AM