Dear Readers,
I would first off like to send my heartfelt thanks to all of you who emailed and called me, concerned about my unexpected absence over the past week. Let me explain. I’ll keep it brief. Ok, maybe not.
I was captured by Cannibals, and taken to live amongst the tribes, and Gods who look remarkably like elephants in our society (did I mention they were pink and danced?). When they noticed the clippers I always carry in my purse, they decided to enslave me to a life of pedicures, removing hangnails not withstanding. One of their leaders, also known as Acidman, liked to have his toenails painted red. To be truthful, he really scared me. He has a tripple nipple (and they are pierced). Besides that, every time he walked into the hut, everyone got down on their knees and chanted “Diva, Diva, Diva,” and dayum, if that man(?) didn’t have the most interesting collection of red hats. Go figure.
I was finally able to find time to fashion a communication device from a coconut, but before I could dial out (don’t ask), my younger (though not as smart as me) sister initiated communication, found out my location, and contacted the necessary personnel to remove me from my most humbled surroundings.
Fast-forward to being removed from the mind altering drugs...oh, heh. I suppose you want the truth?
For those of you who have ever suffered from Diverticulitis (or other things related), you know that the cure can sometimes be as bad as the disease itself. Ok, not entirely true, but it’s not pleasant. Suffice to say, the antibiotics are nasty stuff, one of them (yes, I took two different ones) no smaller than a small nuclear based submarine, with an aftertaste that can remove the paint off of your neighbors Jaguar, and kill the athletes foot for the entire NFL, while simultaneously disinfecting your kitchen counters.
Simply put, I was in a state of pre-puke, puke, and after puke. EJECT! EJECT! EJECT! Oh, and blessed sleep. I will not go into how I went to work for the first three days last week. I am stupid. That is all you need to know.
Suffice to say, I’m able to sit up and take nourishment. The kind where it goes PAST my lips, and my tongue, down the throat and decides to reside in my stomach until the digestive system (such as it is) has worked its wonders.
I am alive. Can I get an AMEN?
In all seriousness, I wish to thank those of you who sent their support via email. It was overwhelming. I would also like to thank Christina for calling and checking in. Though she is younger, and looks harmless on the outside, she can be quite the little vixen when your back is turned. I noticed she thought she could take a few swipes out of me whilst I was ON.MY.LAST.LEG, but we shall see who gets the last laugh. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. She has never liked me because I was a favorite of mothers (I always got to lick the beaters).
Besides. She is after my husband. And I have proof.
"Thank God, she married that nice guy with the oh, so smooth speaking voice (sigh).."
Needless to say, I feel good. Really good. Each day is better.
I'm back. Spread the word.
Comments
Oh, dear, GAWD!
I see we are back in RARE form!
So glad to see you!!
; )
Posted by: Christina at April 12, 2005 06:47 PM
I can't believe you took time off of work. Slacker. :P
Posted by: auritania at April 12, 2005 07:00 PM
Glad your back, I did wonder about your absense but though you had nothing to say as I don't check that many other blogs, I check 1 other - sharons and that is it... Sorry to all but I do, I don't know why maybe it's called I have no life, I have "work"...
Glad to have you back in the world of the living and if you need a hand I'm sure I can think of a few places where there are bridges being built... *evil evil giggle*
Posted by: Gopher at April 12, 2005 07:08 PM
Next time you get sick, post it and us mother hens will not worry. I wanted you to go see Billy Joe Royal in Darien, you missed a great show. Glad you are ALIVE, Cat.
Posted by: catfish at April 12, 2005 08:20 PM
Ohhh that sounds awful (both the elephants and the puking). Glad to hear you've been rescued/feeling better.
Posted by: Cursingmama at April 13, 2005 10:06 AM
Thank goodness you're back among the world of the living. You were missed, and it's great to see your illness has not sapped your abundantly creative sense of humor.
I've been somewhat quiet since my little bout of comment spam forced me to pull down comments on my site. But I'm still writing - and actively working on implementing a moderated commenting function on my Blogger site. Hopefully soon things will get back to normal once I figure out the techie stuff.
Welcome back!
Posted by: Carmi at April 13, 2005 10:46 AM
Glad to see you're back........Take care now...
Posted by: Zoots Mom at April 13, 2005 08:10 PM
Amen!
... pass the spam please.
Posted by: RedNeck at April 14, 2005 08:45 PM
I am so glad you are better. Sorry I have been away for awhile. Prepuke, peripuke and post puke what a week it was; again I am glad you feel better.
Posted by: Melonie at April 15, 2005 06:27 AM
lake powell
Posted by: lake powell at April 21, 2005 02:37 AM
lake powell
Posted by: lake powell at April 30, 2005 05:01 AM