Besides the horrors surrounding the death of Jessica Lunsford, there is another story that is noteworthy, and nonetheless heartbreaking. Terri Schiavo.
First off, I'm not going to delve into the intricacies surrounding the government's involvement. I leave that to others, who are much more talented in that area, such as Elisson or Rob. The comments on both of those posts show that there are clearly two different opinions on this sensitive issue. Suffice to say I really see no reason for the feds to get involved. Enough said.
Truth be told, I would have a hard time being on either side of the issue. I wouldn't want to be the one making the decision to pull the feeding tube, nor would I want to be her parents or husband.
I understand fully where her family is coming from. Her parents feel she is responding to them and will do better with therapy. Being a parent myself, I can understand "hope." Speaking for myself only, I would be plagued with "what-ifs." What if she were to wake up? I can't make any judgments here. I believe in my heart that they feel that Terri is responding to them. What parent wouldn't? We are all about hope, right?
On the other hand, how much hope is too much? When is it time to face reality? I don't believe there is a concrete answer for that. We are not likely to experience an epiphany, which swoops down on us, much like a hawk zeroing in on its prey, and say "enough is enough." I think even if you got to that point, it would be hard to admit it.
Truth be told, I do have a problem with her husband. It's hard to know what to believe. I have to bite my tongue in order to keep from judging him. I only know what I read in the papers, and allot of those articles are uncomplimentary, making him out to be the bad guy. There is a part of me that says, "you want to get on with your life, then get a divorce." Not very charitable of me, I fully admit that. But then again, he is her husband, he loved her (at least at one point) and I would like to believe that he is doing what she would have wished.
Now, what decision would I make? I would hope I would be able to put my feelings aside, and make the choice that would be best for my loved one. I cannot honestly say for sure, and I pray I won't have to make it.
I can't judge here. I'm not there. I don't know all the sides of the story. I don't know Terri or her family. I cannot, in all honesty, make a sound judgment based on facts. I go strictly by my emotions here.
Like I said, I'm glad I'm not the one making a decision.
Comments
I also would not want to be on either side of this debate, but I feel that the "husband's" opinion is moot since he has another family now and has had a seperate life from Terri for 10 years. I cannot say whether or not it is right to pull her feeding tube. I believe that I would fight to the death if I saw a glimmer of hope in one of my daughter's eyes to keep the feeding tube in. I pray for everyone involved.
Posted by: Melonie at March 20, 2005 07:53 PM
A wrenching decision that I, too, am glad is not staring me down in the face. But a story like this should be a good prompt for us all to create some sort of directions for how we would like to be handled, were we ever to be in such a situation (e.g., go ahead and pull the plug, or, keep me going as long as you can). That at least would take the burden of decision out of the hands of our relatives, and place the responsibility square on our own shoulders.
Posted by: Mellie Helen at March 20, 2005 09:17 PM
Thank you for this second heartfelt post about the death of one's child. I think that you have summed up what alot of us feel, but didn't know how to express into words. I don't know the answer to this debate and, like you, pray to God that I never, ever have to find out. We can never know how hard this is for Terri's husband or for her parents. All we can do is hope and pray that we never have to.
I didn't comment on the first part, but wanted to say that I cried reading it because it spoke to my heart.
Posted by: mrsrum at March 20, 2005 10:28 PM
Great post.
This case should remind us all to write a living will - write whether you would want your own tube to be pulled, that way, no one else is responsible for the decision. It's a horrible one to have to make no matter how you look at it, at least this way your family would feel they were honouring your wishes.
Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2005 10:32 PM
Jay said it as well as anyone could. This heartbreaking case is the best argument for everyone having a living will and and-of-life care directives - in writing.
Posted by: Elisson at March 21, 2005 02:22 AM
That's true, but I'm also with Melonie too. I would also be fighting for my child if I were in that position.
Posted by: sharon at March 21, 2005 07:13 AM
I would like to think that I could make the decision should that be my husband some day. But I too would be like the parents and hold on to any glimmer of hope. My husband has firmly said that he does not want sustained in any artificial manner. I, on the other hand, say keep me plugged in for as long as possible. I might even go against my husband's wishes and keep him around by any means possible because he is my heart. He is the reason I wake up in the morning. I don't envy that family. I can only imagine what it must be like from Terri's point of view, should she be aware. That is what would drive me to keep her feeding tube in place. The what ifs.
Posted by: myllissa at March 21, 2005 07:49 AM
This is such a heatbreaking story. In my mind, because there is nothing in writing from Terri regarding her wishes, they must continue feeding her. For those of us fortunate enough to not be in this situation, it should be a wake-up call to write our wishes down in a way that will be legally recognized so our loved ones never have to make these kind of decisions for us. A google search for "free living will" will get you the necessary forms, all you have to do is fill them out and get them notarized.
Posted by: Cursingmama at March 21, 2005 09:20 AM
i gotta say i disagree
Posted by: Backroom Facials at March 29, 2005 11:22 AM