Have you ever heard of that term? I hadn't until just a few days ago. It seems like one of the boys in my eldest daughter's class is tormenting her. Well, actually, he is in 4th grade, but he is (or has been) one of the kids she hangs out with at home.
He's a kid that I've had a lot of problems with. His mouth never stops, and he can be seriously rude. Those kinds of things don't go down realy well in my house, and Moogs Jr. has, at times, exhibited the same kind of attitude.
Well, until recently that is.
He tends to get in a lot of trouble and Moogs Jr. is beginning to realize the real meaning of guilt by association. I strongly adhere to this rule. You want to hang out with him, fine. But think about it long and hard first. She has experienced the fallout of being around someone who does something wrong. It doesn't matter that you weren't involved. You were there. I tend to take that kind of thing seriously. Especially, when it is a repeated behavior.
To some, I know that might seem rather harsh but I want to teach her to pick her friends wisely. So far, she's not a follower, far from it. My job is to keep it that way.
Lately, the tormenting has gotten worse. When we were on a mother-daughter outing on Sunday, she informed me that he continually gives her titty twisters, even though she's told him not to.
The water that I had just taken a sip of, nearly came out of my nose. I hadn't heard that term before, but it didn't take much of a stretch to figure out what it meant.
Predictably, I was pissed.
I don't know about you, but there are certain things that are simply unacceptable. Inappropriate touching, in any way, shape or form is one of them. We talked a bit about it and she has agreed, if he EVER does that again, she'll talk to me. I feel comfortable that she'll follow up on that. The conversation wasn't threatening to her at all. I just explained about touching. And what was acceptable. She whole heartedly agreed with me, and understood. I think. But I'll keep an eye on that.
The thing that bothered me the most, is that she told me he has a habbit of, well, for lack of a better way to gently say this, pull his pants down in front of his friends. From what I could understand, this has only happened a couple of times, and once, it was even in front of my youngest.
I'm sure I don't have to go into any kind of an explanation on what that did to my blood pressure, or for that matter, my stomach. The problem herein lies with the fact that I was told about it several weeks after the fact. As a parent, I've learned I need to take things with a grain of salt. How much of it is true? I don't know. I do know that from now on, I've turned on the radar screen and have a lot more communication with my daughter on this subject.
I know that most of you will probably decimate me for this, but I haven't forbidden her to play with him. I've told her that it was up to her. I can't control who she's with at school. At least, in this case, not at this time.
But I've made sure she feels very comfortable in telling me if something is wrong. She knows what is acceptable now and what is not. And I've told her to come to me immediately if anything approaching unreasonable happens.
I know it's not me. It's not about me. I haven't failed her this time. I can't blame myself for not doing anything about things that have happened in the past if I have no knowledge about them. Part of me thinks I should have known, where another part of me says "hold on there partner, let's not blow this out of proportion...just yet."
It's a mom thing. It's a guilt thing. I'm still learning. The thing I find the most difficult to wrap my arms around is the fact that I could hurt this kid easily. And feel no remorse.
Right now, that's not an issue. She's decided she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. And that's fine by me.
Comments
Here's a shocker for ya. I HAVE, not only heard of 'em, but hat "DELIVERED" and "RECEIVED" them. Not to, or from anyone of the fairer sex, but with members of the same sex.
'Fore all you all start wonderin', I ain't deliivered or received in the last 30 years. Unless my boy was messin' with me, and then, paybacks fair game.
In my 'Neck of the woods, it was something that boys bein' boys did 'cause we didn't have Nintendo's or Playstations so we had to do something for amusement and discomfortin' our Buddies was fun, and them discomfortin' us was fun for them. No guns, Knives, just digits a tit, an unsuspectin' victim, and a twist.
Cross sex titie twistin' is wrong. Duh. ;)
We did it in the same realm of flickin' your buddies ear just to get his attention...
And, I don't remember pullin' down my britches until I was a little older then they are.
If it happens to her again, and I'm cautious with using "again", might be enough for me right now to take it up a notch. I'd probably call the boys parents and try to calmly tell them what transpiired, and what your feelings were, and what you intend to do if it happens again.
I don't want any little kids life to get trashed, but bad behaviour and tolerence of it doesn't work.
My 02 worth.
Posted by: RedNeck at February 18, 2005 05:48 PM
hmm yeah erm in this here neck of the wood we call it a nipple cripple - darn it's painful , grab the nipple and twist - OUCH but not to be done on girls that's just not cricket, I agree with Redneck on this one... maybe all it needs is that LQQK (see domestic godesses site for the lqqk pic)
Posted by: Gopher at February 18, 2005 06:50 PM
Glad she's not hangin with him anymore.
I'm an overprotective freak re Miss Priss. I would have called the boy's daddy and suggested that he BEAT. HIS. ASS. Oh, I'd be pissed. Little perv.
Sorry, didn't mean to go off. I DO realize that it's easier for me to be objective. All this to say, you were WELL within your right to be unnerved!
Posted by: Key at February 18, 2005 07:04 PM
Absolutely you are in your right! You've handled it perfectly on your end talking openly with your daughter. Now where are his parents teaching him the proper way for men to behave??? They should definately know about it.
It's true, boys will be boys and kids will be kids....the difference lies somewhere after that with whether or not they get the appropriate lesson to match their behaviour! Then it's up to them to behave accordingly, once they've bee taught!
Posted by: Suzanne at February 19, 2005 07:24 AM
I always hated those! I'm glad that you used the opportunity to help your daughter foster her own decisions and to teach her that coming to you with an issue such as this isn't going to illicit an immediate nasty, gut-wrenching reaction. Way to go Mom :)
Posted by: mrsrum at February 20, 2005 09:51 AM
Her now-ex-friend sounds like a real winner. At this rate, he's on a one-way road to delinquency. Good on your daughter for realizing this now and cutting all ties.
I understand your outrage: I'd be contemplating something felonious by this point: your restraint is commendable.
Posted by: Carmi at February 20, 2005 12:31 PM
I am glad she is not hanging around him any more, but really if you had forbidden it she would want to be with him all the more. Titty twisters, huh? Pulling his pants down in front of people? Classy kid. I don't even want to guess what his future holds.
Posted by: Melonie at February 21, 2005 07:04 AM
Over here, they're called 'nipple cripples', but oddly enough, I think it's a guy thing....
Posted by: DaFFy at February 21, 2005 07:28 AM
I think you did the right thing. I totally agree with you!
Posted by: Lindsay K. at February 21, 2005 08:34 AM
I think you did the right thing, letting her decide what to do with that friendship. It's a hard thing, but if we don't let our kids make their own decisions how will they ever learn too; and if we push something like who they can and can not be friends with, thats an invitation for rebellion and possibly more.
Good Luck!
Posted by: cursingmama at February 21, 2005 01:09 PM