My Dearest Bladder,
Why hast thou forsaken me?
Once I learned to control you as a child, I sincerely believed you were my friend. When I was growing up, you could hold so much. Sure, sometimes, when I was so busy playing, I forgot to pay attention to you until it was too late. That was not a big thing though. Unless I couldn't sneak past Mom and change my, um, shorts, if you will.
In my teen years, I didn't think about you until my teeth started to float. As I entered into adulthood, I only needed to, "vacate" about once every 24 hours or so.
What I want to know is just what the heck happened to you after I had children? Do you mind explaining that one to me? You turned on me. And it hurt.
I used to think, "oh, I should probably go to the bathroom now," and then wait a few hours and say the exact same thing, and go on about my business. I would repeat that mantra several times over until I just couldn't ignore you anymore.
And now? What's up with that? I go to the bathroom before I leave work, but the time I get home I beat feet for the nearest toilet. Barring that, a bucket, or on a really bad day, like when my belt is particularly complicated, my pants. You get me up at least 3 times a night. When we go to dinner, the minute the server sets the meal in front of me, you raise your head and shout "yoooohoooo, it's me again."
No longer can I "wait." You remember those "accidents" I had when I was really young? They seem to be more frequent now. Let's face it, when I have to go, I have to go. NOW. Oh, and puleeze. You know exactly what happens when I sneeze or laugh. Depends are really looking good right about now.
So just what did I do to deserve this? Once, just once, I'd like to wake up slowly in the morning, without having to hit the floor running. And God help the fool that gets in my way.
Lovingly,
Moogs
Comments
I'm sorry - I believe you meant to write this to MY bladder.
Posted by: Zoot at January 18, 2005 07:05 PM
Our bladders must be related.
Gotta sneeze? better cross your legs before you do! I can't even remember the last time I slept through an entire night!
Posted by: suzanne at January 18, 2005 07:43 PM
I know exactly h................. (runs for loo )........how you f............ ( oh dear here we go again).......you feel :D
Posted by: Scooby at January 18, 2005 08:05 PM
Not only do I feel your pain: but after birthing three children, it takes only one word to strike terror in my heart:
trampoline.
trust me. I get on one of those and start bouncing around --- it ain't pretty.
Posted by: sharon at January 18, 2005 08:37 PM
My bladder can totally sympathize with you. And it doesn't help that I've started drinking at least 40 ounces of water a day. I think I'm peeing every 10-minutes right now.
Posted by: Wendy at January 18, 2005 08:57 PM
Is this the bladders anonymous meeting? I am Melonie's overactive bladder and I need help.
Posted by: Melonie at January 18, 2005 10:29 PM
Two words: kegel exercises.
Posted by: Mellie Helen at January 19, 2005 02:06 AM
G'day Moogie, too cool my friend, too cool. Why is it, we are about to leave work, we do the right thing, tidy up our work station, wash our coffee mug, go and "spend a penny" thinking that we will not have the need for anymore "small" chnage for at least say a couple of hours or more. Drive home (or public transport), this could take anything from 5mins to 2-3 hours, we have "spent our penny" at work, we are cool. Pull into the driveway of our home, or walk up the street to our driveway, as soon as we pass the letter box, it is on, and I mean ON!!!!!!!. That "frantic" race to the "bathroom" to "spend another penny", sometimes we make it, sometimes we do not, WHY?????. I ask that question of myself all the time WHY??????.
Great post again Moogie, take care my friend :) xoxoo
Posted by: vegemiterules at January 19, 2005 06:54 AM
Awww...good luck wit the problem. Best wishes to you
Posted by: Lindsay K. at January 19, 2005 08:28 AM
Whats with all the mean bladders? I read this and had to tell a story - one much too long for comments, so I posted it.
http://cursingmama.blogspot.com/2005/01/too-much-tea.html
Posted by: cursingmama at January 19, 2005 03:31 PM
Same here. It looks like we need a support group.
Posted by: TW at January 19, 2005 03:31 PM
hmm yeah it's time to cut down on the amount of coffee or tea (i know you need the caffine) but you need to find it in otherways.
I know how ya feel - I just need to drink Irn Bru (for those outwith the UK - it's a soft drink - google it)
hmm drink about a 1/2 litre of it and hmm it's go time.. Also colder days have greater effect on it *grins* It shrinks a little
Posted by: Gopher at January 19, 2005 04:28 PM